Romance, And Anxiety

To be brutally honest

And perhaps a little philosophical

Is it possible to be passionately involved in an endeavor and also be calm? Can you challenge yourself to do something new, to strive, to improve, to learn, to risk, but also be tranquil in your soul? Should you expect that?

Maybe if what you’re passionate about is yoga or meditation, and doesn’t include other people’s choices and preferences, there would be total ease. But how often in life are you totally separate from other people’s input and actions? And how often should you be?

I honestly would like to hear/read your thoughts and experiences about these questions. You may or may not write, but everyone has something they want to do and do well.

Since I hope you’ll share your thoughts, I’ll start with my experience.

I started writing (romance) seriously, with the intent to publish, three and a half years ago. By the fourth anniversary of my first book, I will have written twelve books. It’s simple math, but I’m still surprised by it–that’s an average of three books a year. And that doesn’t count the short stories and bonus epilogues, etc. that are free (one for every book, plus a few more stories and writing experiments that I offer here on my site).

Now, I haven’t published all of those twelve books, only eight as of this week. A ninth is free (available to you on the welcome page). The tenth, I’m holding in reserve until I’ve written a few more books in that series (my foray into historical fantasy romance). Another regency romance (11) is halfway written, and the twelfth (regency romance) is conceptualized but not written yet. (I anticipate a May release).

If I continue at the pace I’ve been writing, I may sneak in one more this year (another in the fantasy romance series). And I have been invited to write two shorter novellas for anthologies, so add those to the math.

I love writing these romances! I feel invigorated and excited, engaged and stretched. I have felt alive in a whole new way. And I love to finish a book and share it with you. It is such a thrill, such a sense of accomplishment. I can’t stop writing (and writing romance). On one level, writing is incredibly rewarding.

On another level, writing is agonizing. I want to constantly improve my skill. I don’t want to write the same thing again and again, so I push myself with new ideas, new forms, tighter prose, better characterization, plotting, pacing. And on and on.

And I won’t even discuss promoting/marketing here.

Because I love romance. I love writing.

But I admit that it brings with it an almost constant low-grade anxiety.

Is this a bad thing? Is it normal? (I think it is. You tell me what you think). I’m just not sure we’re meant to glide easily through life, as tempting as that may sound.

My questions are: Can we care deeply, can we challenge ourselves to improve, can we try something new, can we accomplish a goal, can we share our work without an emotional investment? An emotional cost?

Now in a perfect world, and in a perfect post, I would have a resolution here. A tight, satisfying take-away for you.

I don’t.

I just have a few more questions for you, and me, to consider. Are all forms of anxiety bad? Should we replace ‘anxiety’ with a different word when we’re speaking of any creative challenge? What word?

And more questions. How do you view your anxiety (or perhaps striving, anticipation, frisson, eustress, desire)? How do you make it motivational, not daunting? Is it a positive force in your life? Can it be?

Romance and anxiety, are they two sides of the same coin?